I am 20 years old now & doing my B.tech degree in electronics & communication. I find myself as one hell of an introvert. It’s not that my life is very tragic & full of circumstances as it seems for other people. I have a decent family. My parents love me a lot & so does my two sisters. I have great friends. In spite of all these, I find myself alone & emptyI have a feeling that due to my nature, I will end up all alone in my life. I know, many of you will suggest me that I need one Girlfriend, whom with I can share my loneliness. I also think so but my fate doesn’t. I was in 11th when I proposed a girl I liked from my childhood & was in a relationship for 2 years. After that she left me without any notice or reason I was all alone & depressed again. Meanwhile one decent girl proposed me… I don’t know what I was thinking but I rejected her(biggest mistake of my life). After year or later, I fall in love with another girl & I thought she did like me but I was wrong. I proposed her but she happened to be my childhood buddy’s girlfriend. My fate cursed me again. I had almost lost both of them from my life but I managed to handle the situation somehow. After that, I lost interest in girls. I mean i only find them attractive for sometime but then I start to find flaws in them. I know it’s not them who are having flaws, but me. Still I am helpless about it. I have so much inside of me to tell but no one to tell. When I imagine my life after 2-3 years, i see myself as completely alone. I have lost almost all contacts with my childhood friends & I am afraid same will happen with my present friends.
I know my family is always there for me, but there are certain things you can’t share with your parents. I was very close to my elder sister but she is married now for 4 years & busy with her life & soon my second sister will be. When i see my friends talking with their girlfriends & sharing their feelings, I don’t know why but it kills me from inside. Lately, I have nightmares that I am stuck in a room full of darkness with no one near me & I am crying but no one is there to hear. I am afraid it is my future. I am afraid I will end up all alone in my life. I don’t want my future to be like this. I am good with books but I am sure they won’t help me to get rid of my loneliness. I just wanted to share some of these my inner thoughts with you guys because I know you will listen me & understand me. And suggest me some suggestions for way out of this darkness.
plz help out