Loveless Relations

My name is Ankita (Changed Name). I am from U.P. I am a house wife. My husband is a mechanical engineer. I too do job in a government school. I had an affair with a boy before marriage. He came in our home for the proposal of marriage but my parents rebuked him and sent him from the home as that guy was out of job at that time.

Now he too is doing job where I am doing in the school. Moreover my family is orthodox. So they did not agreed to the proposal. One other reason was that guy belonged to lower caste than me. After that I stopped talking to my parents. They kept me in a separate room and started finding a suitable guy for the purpose of my marriage. But I was not even a little bit interested in my marriage with some other person. However I agreed to the marriage when my parents started forcing me they told me to forget that guy and start your life a fresh. But do you think it is possible to forget someone with whom you are whole heartedly involved in a number of days.

Somehow I kept my feelings under control and did not create any issue regarding marriage in the home. But I was continuously thinking that what is the fault of that guy with whom. I am going to wed as I had not even a small place in my heart for anyone else except that guy with whom I was in love. However I bowed to my destiny and my marriage was arranged with a guy who was mechanical engineer and belonged to a reputed family. I had not feelings in my heart for the guy with whom I was going to wed. Sometimes I thought of running away from the home but on the same time I understood my responsibilities in the family as I was eldest child of my parents and they had a good many hopes from me.

So I did not break their trust. The date of my marriage came and I was married of. I tried a lot to create feelings in my heart for my husband. But every time I remained unable. Everyday, I called to that guy with whom I was involved before marriage because it was impossible for me to start the day before talking to him. My husband did not make physical relations with me as he thought that I was least interest in him. One day I saw his bell ringing on the bed when he was in the bathroom I picked up the phone and did not utter any word but there was a woman on the phone I was repeating my husband’s name. when I checked the log list there were many calls from her side as well as from my husband’s side. So I came to know that his condition too is just like me. He is involved with that lady and I with some one else. Sometimes I think what would be the end of our relationships there is not even a single spark of love from both the sides.